im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it hurts more in the daytime
someone owes me an orgasm
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
