I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
