And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
