Already got asked if we're dating
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Randomize
