are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
