She is in my trunk
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
