My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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