The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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