even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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