I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He felt like a one man threesome
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
