a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
