my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
