Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
