I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
