K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
