i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Two words: nipple clamps
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