Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
