Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
