guys are not supposed to queef...right?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
