I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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