Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
