I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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