i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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