I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
