You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
