So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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