The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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