i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
