Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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