Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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