Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
