A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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