ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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