i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
