did you get engaged???
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
