Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
