I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
