My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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