She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
