Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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