wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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