foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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