So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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