And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
