Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
