I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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