found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
