listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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