I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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