Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
