You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
