I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
