we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
