I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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