Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
