it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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