So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
