apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
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He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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