we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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