At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
