Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
