my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
