The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
