i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
