I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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