in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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