Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This is classic penis vs brain.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
