Can i not drive my cunt home
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
