i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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