Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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