you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
