I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
